A Therapist's Journey from Conservative Evangelical to LGBTQ+ Affirming
Given that I specialize in working with folks who identify both as LGBTQ+ and Christian, I knew this post needed to come sooner rather than later.
Even though this blog, in general, is intended to focus on supporting and serving those who read it rather than focusing on my own experiences, I feel it’s important to share my story of progressing from conservative evangelical to LGBTQ+ affirming.
Historically, Christian therapists have taken an extremely harmful approach towards LGBTQ+ individuals - particularly folks within the faith community.
So I think it’s necessary to share my own journey away from this destructive perspective if there’s any chance of establishing trust with the folks I work with.
A Note on my Conservative Evangelical Upbringing
It may not be so helpful to describe the harmful beliefs surrounding gender and sexuality that I was taught growing up in a conservative evangelical Christian context. Particularly, I don’t want the content to trigger anyone who may have been raised in a similar context.
It might not be necessary to name those beliefs anyway, because I’ve heard the same perspectives repeated time and again across several church contexts as well as from my clients. If you grew up in a conservative Christian context, then you probably already know what I was raised to believe about gender and sexuality.
Suffice it to say, I bought into what I was taught as a kid. Unfortunately, I didn’t know anyone who openly identified as LGBTQ+ at the time, so I didn’t have any reference points to challenge just how misinformed my beliefs were.
Several of my friends from childhood have since come out as adults. In retrospect, I believe there are likely many more LGBTQ+ individuals from my childhood friend circles who are still closeted. It grieves me now to imagine how incredibly painful and damaging it must have been for my LGBTQ+ friends to grow up in that environment.
College: My LGBTQ+ Ignorance gets Busted Open
My lack of awareness of the closeted experiences of my LGBTQ+ friends and acquaintances created a bubble of ignorance for me. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t realize that I had friends in my youth group, in my small group, and even folks I dated who were suffering in silence.
My ignorance perpetuated my harmful beliefs.
That is, until my ignorance got busted wide open in college:
My friends started coming out to me
Beginning in college, I started experiencing a strange phenomenon. Trusted friends and loved ones began to come out to me.
At the time, the idea that someone I knew and loved could experience anything outside of what I had traditionally been taught about gender and sexuality was a complete shock to me.
I regret that I often offered unhelpful and harmful responses when my friends were in their deepest need of support and understanding.
Knowledge led to questions about what I’d been taught
These shocks to my system forced me to take the whole LGBTQ thing off the shelf and challenged me to reevaluate how I made sense of everything. The experiences my friends described simply did not match up at all with what I’d been taught about gender and sexuality.
Once I was faced with the reality that what I’d been taught didn’t add up, I couldn’t set the topic back down or brush it aside anymore.
I won’t share the full details of books I read, conversations I had both with conservative and progressive clergy and friends, and all the nuances of my journey to becoming fully affirming. But I did experience an unwavering determination to figure out the truth.
I realized that if I’d gotten it all wrong this whole time, I needed to know. Because that would mean I was complicit in agreeing with a belief system that was not only wrong but was causing people I deeply cared for to get pushed to their emotional brink.
Early Career: Closeted LGBTQ+ Christians Kept Finding me
It was early on in my career as a therapist that I came to an LGBTQ+ affirming stance. However, even at this point, I didn’t advertise this as a specialty of mine. I primarily focused on treating anxiety.
Despite this, through the course of counseling, many of my clients started to come out to me. This happened again and again. There was a point early in my career when more than half of my clients identified as LGBTQ or were wanting to explore aspects of their gender or sexual identity.
Furthermore, I was working at a Christian practice. Many of the clients I worked with had prominent leadership roles as volunteers and staff of conservative Christian churches and ministries.
Ministries that were staunchly non-affirming.
My specialty found me
Looking back, I still am not sure how to explain this phenomenon. I did not go looking for this specialty, but it definitely found me.
I realized that whatever items my counseling clients were initially coming to see me for - anxiety, depression, trauma, etc. - they could not be dealt with unless we addressed the sometimes lifelong systemic injustices they experienced as closeted LGBTQ+ Christians.
And the more I worked with my clients, the more impassioned I became to find more public ways to advocate for change for the LGBTQ+ community, as well as the unique harms that LGBTQ+ Christians experience.
Going Public as an LGBTQ+ Affirming Christian Therapist
I wish I could say that when I officially started advertising my practice as LGBTQ+ affirming in 2017 I did so “loud and proud.” But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was absolutely terrified.
I was scared that I would lose clients. I was scared folks would come to my website looking for a “nice Christian therapist,” see that I was LGBTQ+ affirming, and immediately close the tab. I was scared I would lose the relationships I’d built with local church clergy. I was afraid of what my friends would think.
I’m not sure whether I lost clients from this or not, but I did seem to get blacklisted from church clergy that had previously sent new clients to my practice on a regular basis. And some of my friendships did fray, with folks sending me Bible verses and books and podcasts to help convince me to “come back.”
It’s not about me
Despite some of my fears coming true, I realized something in the midst of this that was incredibly important: even the worst fallout that could have come from publicly advertising my practice as LGBTQ+ affirming could not hold a candle to the pain, trauma, and abuse the LGBTQ+ community experiences.
And, if I could help one person feel safe enough to get support instead of contemplating taking their own life, even if all my worst fears came true it would still be completely worth it. Life is too precious to let my fears get in the way of others’ chance at life and thriving.
And perhaps, someday, it won’t be so unusual to see a therapist advertise that they are both Christian and LGBTQ+ affirming. Until then, I’ll keep my affirming stance front and center.
Support for LGBTQ+ Christians
If you’re reading this and realizing you’re in need of support, here are some trusted resources:
Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255
Online Chat
The Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741
You are also welcome to explore my LGBTQ+ affirming therapy services or contact me to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward.
